Hebrews 5:6 says, "the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as children." Discipline is not a case of being nice or nasty, it’s a question of right and wrong. By disciplining the children in your care, you’re training them up in God’s ways.

Discipline Foundations

• Relationship.
  Inner-city kids grow up in a culture steeped in rebellion. Because of this, they will respond better if they view you as an adult friend and not a remote authority figure. Our home visiting programme means that each child has at least one adult worker who knows them well. When challenging behaviour surfaces, it’s this person who’s best equipped to deal with them. If a child loves you and respects you, nine times out of ten they’ll listen to what you say.
  
• Boundaries.
  Many of our children grow up with very few boundaries. They’re allowed to roam freely and as long as their behaviour doesn’t disturb their parents, no one cares what they do. It’s important that you set very clear boundaries. In a Kidz Klub session we do this by explaining a simple set of rules at the beginning of the session and then re-iterating them in more detail at the beginning of the preaching time. If you repeatedly have problems with behaviour at a certain point in your club, have you clearly explained to the children what’s expected of them at this time?
  
• Consequences.
  It’s no good setting boundaries if there are no consequences for good or bad behaviour. You need to clearly explain to the children how good behaviour will be rewarded and bad punished. We reward good behaviour with sweets, prizes and trips out. Children who behave well also get picked to play in games and participate in dramas and magic tricks. Children who break the rules are punished by making them take five minutes "time out" from the club. During this time, a worker will talk to the child calmly about what they did wrong. If the child settles down and apologises, great they can go back in and join their friends. In the majority of cases, this is what happens.
  
• Authority.
  Inner-city kids will do everything they can to bullying you into playing by their rules. They’ve seen their classmates intimidate teachers and older siblings intimidate parents. It’s important that they understand that you are the boss and at Kidz Klub what you say goes. Make sure the boundaries of acceptable behaviour are firmly fixed in your own mind. For example, is it OK for a child to swear on the bus to Kidz Klub or to push in when queueing outside the door? If a child’s behaviour does not stay within those boundaries, what action are you going to take? Make sure that you don’t make idle threats. If you threaten a punishment, for example "If you swear again I’ll take away your sweets," you have to do it. Be consistent. It’s no good saying that only children who participate in the praise party will be picked for games, and then picking an older child who didn’t join in, because you’re trying to win their favour. Authority is the kind of quiet confidence that good teachers have and it’s easier to develop if you know you’re working as part of a team.
  
• Team Work.
  It’s important that you maintain consistent standards as a team. As part of your team training, discuss what behaviour is acceptable and how you’ll respond if that standard isn’t met. Support each other. We’ve known many workers, who’ve turned a blind eye to bullying, because they lack the confidence to deal with an aggressive child. It’s OK to know your limits. In our Kidz Klub we have a discipline co-ordinator each week. This person is available to help workers deal with children who might be too difficult for them to handle alone. It’s better for your team to seek support, than turn a blind eye to bad behaviour. Make sure you regularly review behaviour as a team. Hold a de-briefing session at the end of each club and give your team an opportunity to discuss any bevahiour problems that occurred.
  
• Prevention.
  We find that behaviour problems often occur in the less active points of the club, for example when kids are queuing outside before coming in or are waiting to be dismissed. As the old adage says, "prevention is better than cure." In your de-briefing sessions at the end of the club, consider whether bad behaviour often occurs at the same point. Do you need to make that section of the club more exciting, for example by running some simple games outside, while the kids are waiting to come in? Do you need to offer extra incentives for good behaviour, at certain points, for example giving out prizes during the praise party.

How to deal with unruly children.

If the principles mentioned above are in place and your team consistently adhere to them, serious behaviour problems should be rare. However there are some children who will always present a challenge. Below we’ve taken a real-life scenario and explained how we’d handle it at Kidz Klub.
During the Intro section of the club, the rules have been explained. When the whistle is blown a ten year old girl shouts out a swear word. What would we do?

1. The leader would continue the club as usual. Remember you’re the boss. You can’t allow a difficult child to hijack the club.
   
2. The nearest helper would quietly and calmly ask the child to stand up and go outside.
   
3. At the door they would be joined by the discipline co-ordinator, who would accompany them into a designated discipline area, for example the foyer of the building.
   
4. Staying clam and without getting angry or shaming the child, the co-ordinator would ask them why they shouted out.
   
5. At this point, away from their friends, most children will be fairly penitent. The co-ordinator would talk to them about why their behaviour was wrong and ask them to apologise. If the child stays calm and is happy to apologise, they can go back into the club.
   
6. Some children, however, don’t react well to being asked to leave the club. They arrive in the discipline area angry and aggressive. They will often feel they’ve been unfairly treated.
   
7. If you don’t know the child very well, send the other helper to get the person who visits them. They’re more likely to listen to someone they know.
   
8. When a child is angry start by listening. Do not respond with aggression and don’t make it a battle of wills. By letting them talk, you will often manage to diffuse a situation. As they pick up that you love them and are on their side, they will usually start to calm down.
   
9. Once calm, you can then begin to talk to them about what they did wrong and follow steps four and five above.
   
10. If a child refuses to calm down, they will usually make a run for the door. If the child is older, as is usually the case with the more difficult children, and made their own way to the club, without adult supervision, then let them go. You need to go round to their parent’s house to explain that their child is no longer in your care.
    
11. If you transported the child to the club, they will usually run out of the door, but wait around the corner somewhere. Ask them not to leave, but do not chase them – this will only make things worse. We once had a child almost run into a moving car in this situation. When they’ve calmed down a bit, they will usually return. Explain to them that because they’ve been so angry they can’t go back into the club.
    
12. If you think they’ve genuinely calmed down, get them to wait with you in the discipline area until the end of the club. They can then go home on the bus with the other children.
    
13. If you think they are still in a volatile mood, explain to them that it would be better if they went home to calm down. Get a helper to drive the child home, with the discipline co-ordinator going in the car too.
    
14. When a child has shown extreme aggression or rebellion, (as described above) it’s important that they understand that their actions were out of the boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Because of this we would normally ban a child from one or two weeks of Kidz Klub. Threatening this when they are already angry won’t help anyone. Instead we get their visitor to go and see them after the club, explaining why they’ve been banned. If possible we also try to talk to a parent.
    
15. People often ask if we ever exclude children from the club on a permanent basis. Although it happens very rarely, the answer is "yes." If a child’s behaviour is continually aggressive, they will be presenting a threat to other children and, for the safe running of the club, you have to stop them coming. In these situations we usually ban children first for a half term period, explaining that when they come back we really hope they’ll have decided to change. We combine the ban with concerted prayer effort on the child’s behalf. If no change occurs after the half term ban, we occasionally have to ban children on a more permanent basis.

As you can see from the above scenario, discipline situations vary greatly from child to child. If you’re having consistent discipline problems in your Kidz Klub, please feel free to e-mail us for advice. Discipline is one of the topics covered on Kidz Klub Training Weekends; for more information click here.

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